04. 04. Dear God part 1

05. ?

04.  Dear God poem, part 1:

"Dear God, [intrusive thought]. Oh, I was doing so well. But the intrusive thoughts resurfaced. I don't want to keep my intrusive thoughts. I want my intrusive thoughts to fade away, and disintegrate as the neuron holding onto the memory fizzles out."

"I can't enjoy anything anymore. I used to think so innocently. Sometimes, I still do. But I've lost my innocence all in all."

God told me, "It's okay, my child."

But I said, "No! No, it's not! I'm a bad person!"

"I don't think I deserve to go to Heaven."

"I feel like I deserve to go to Hell for my sins; my thoughts, words, actions, and emotions."

"My heart is deceitful, my mind is impure, my soul is in pain."

"I'm a fornicator, I'm a thief, I've committed infidelity, I'm a compulsive liar!"

"I'm a sinner, I want to be a follower again."

"I'm looking for an answer. I'm a bargainer. I'm a sufferer. I'm a wanderer."

"I want my soul to be cleansed."

"I lack self-control, patience, and I'm selfish." 🛂 ⌚ 🗣️

"Repeat forgetter." 🧠

"I'm just a lost little lamb, on the wrong path, without a Shepard. I am an old follower, returning to the flock. Will you be the one to guide me? Or shall I call upon the Lord's name?" 🐑 🛤️🛣️🧔

"I want to face the consequences for my actions, my wrongdoings, my mistakes, my lies. I deserve judgement. I don't deserve comfort. I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve God's love."

I ask him, "Why was I given this life?"

God answered, saying, "Only I know why, but I'll only tell you after you die."

I tell him, "I'm too embarrassed to be alive."

"I just want to die already."

"I am just a lost little lamb, that is looking for salvation, forgiveness, redemption, and to be absolved of sin." And pay penance?

"I repent, so as to be welcomed into the pearly encrusted golden gates of heaven. Amen."

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