05. 01. I'm sorry to all of you poem

I'm sorry to all of you poem.

I'm sorry for being a bad neighbor.

I'm sorry for the smell.

I'm sorry for being so loud.

I know I'm putting you through hell.

I know I'm not allowed to,

But I just do whatever I want

And I do it every day

It's just the same day

Same as yesterday

I do care about what you think of me

Please don't hurt me, please just let me be

I understand how you feel

You have every right to be angry

You have every right to complain

It's okay if you hate me

I'm sorry for every second of my existence

I feel like I shouldn't be alive

I hope we can live in coexistence

I feel like I should just die

I apologize for my staring problem.

I apologize for being weird.

I space out when I'm thinking about something unrelated to the situation.

It takes me some time to realize I'm staring someone in the eyes.

I'm not trying to be creepy.

Again, I'm sorry.

I don't mind the smell

I don't mind the sounds

I care way too much about what the voices say

Heard throughout the day

Every second someone's talking

In the distance,

I hear screaming and yelling

Cussin' and swearin'.

Gagging and puking.

Hearing them say the Lord's name in vain

I hear the voices 24/7. So I indulge in weed, vaping, and pop.

In excess.

I don't know why I do it. Stress?

Hearing these voices stresses me out.

I feel anxiety in my chest.

My soul is bubbling.

It feels like a black hole has a hold of my soul, and swallowed it whole.

If you can hear me, I can hear you. The voices complain about me, instead of talking to me. They complain about us, not to us. I don't have visual hallucinations, only auditory.

The voices commentate what I say and do, and judge every move I make

After I finally die...

In the afterlife...

I will hear and see,

What others have said about me

Borderline personality disorder sucks

Psychosis sucks.

Hyperosmia sucks.

Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors sucks.

I'm so sorry to everyone.

I'll take better care of myself

I'm doing my best

I will focus on self-care

I'm seeing a counselor

So I can remove my vices (from my life and body)

Weed is not something that I need

I will escape the vape

I will stop drinking pop

I'll touch upon the Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors that I have.

Popping my joints

Chewing my lip skin

Plucking out my eyelashes

Gritting my teeth

Again, I'm sorry for being so loud.

Snoring and wheezing

Sweating and smelling worse

Coughing and snifflin'

Vaping nicotine and smoking weed

I will change my diet,

I will eat my veggies and fruit,

And have a low-sulfur diet

I will only drink filtered water or alkaline water

And eat white rice.

I am taking digestive probiotics

I'm taking iron supplements

I am taking women's probiotics

I'm also taking folic acid

I'm sorry for not taking care of myself

The voices complain about the smell while I shower.

They complain about my breath when I'm brushing and flossing my teeth.

They complain every time I use the toilet

Sometimes it's hard to relax while I'm peeing.

Hearing the voices telling me to kill myself.

It was so bad, I ended up in the psych ward.

But I'm doing okay now.

After I quit weed, I will call the receptionist and set up an in-person appointment with my doctor.

I will adjust my medication until I am no longer depressed and anxious, and only hear the voices at a further distance.

Repeating what I'm thinking

Repeating what I'm writing down./repeating the words as I write them.

Word for word. It sucks. I know others can't read my thoughts. It's just scary.

11:17 am/11:18 am/11:19 am/11:20 am/11:21 am/11:22 am/11:24 am/11:25 am/11:30 am/11:58 am/1:37 pm/1:38 pm/1:39 pm/1:41 pm 19 February 2025

1:14 pm/3:10 pm/4:53 pm/4:54 pm/5:54 pm 20 February 2025

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1:58 pm 8 March 2025

1:58 pm/1:59 pm/2:00 pm/2:02 pm/2:03 pm/3:40 pm/3:42 pm/3:43 pm/3:45 pm/3:47 pm/4:17 pm/8:38 pm/8:40 pm/8:42 pm/8:43 pm/8:44 pm 19 March 2025

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3:37 pm/3:41 pm/3:43 pm/3:45 pm 25 March 2025

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7:16 am/7:24 am/7:26 am/10:50 am/10:55 am 1 April 2025

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5:37 pm 27 May 2025

4:38 pm 5 July 2026